Man oh man it’s been hot. Sweltering, sweaty, drippy, moving like a sloth hot. This past week I’ve really been feeling the heat…it’s been hitting me like a molten lava brick wall. I’ve tried everything to stay cool, chill out, protect myself from the fever – but today I combusted and had a meltdown. No; not a 911, fetal position on the kitchen floor, need a straightjacket kind-of-a meltdown – but a definite boo hoo, woe is me, stomp my wee size 5 foot over the injustice of it all meltdown.
Hello my name is Patty and I am human. Sure I am the proud flag carrier of choose Awesome Sauce for Life – but every once in a while the warrior wobbles, feels the weight of the world and needs a little hissy fit.
It always feels like it comes out of nowhere – but if I take a moment (which I rarely do and is part of my problem) I realize I’ve been burning the candelabra in too many rooms of my life. Pushing and pretending that I am super human. Trying so hard to juggle way too long to do lists, swinging my sword against the meanies, fighting for the cause and just not winning, saying yes to things I want to say no to, saying no to things I want to say yes to; managing not loviating the flow of my life…and simply doing the deeds without an ounce of authenticity. Well whoa nelly…clearly that’s not working so I’m taking a TIME OUT to take care of me and get my moxie back on track.
You see I believe our power or magic comes from within. In our mindset, our heart and being kind to our body – but it has to be real, you have to feel it – not just do it because you should. When you pretend it’s like lying to yourself and that serves no good purpose. Take meditating for instance…it use to be something Angus (my cat) and I did together. Since he died, I still do it, but I swear obscenities in my head the entire time – kinda counterproductive I’d say. Same with “watching what I eat”…I’ve been very diligent at watching one chip at a time disappear until the bag is completely empty…and affirmations – well they’ve become clichés that piss me off. Faking your feelings sets off an insidious cycle that sabotages how we take care of ourselves. Fighting the flow leads to frustration which spurs a sense of hopelessness which triggers fear which can either cause us to freeze or flee – either way it’s exhausting which is the perfect excuse to not exercise, eat well and most importantly fuel our mind with positivity, possibility and joy. Burn out and inauthenticity raises a tall wall to climb when you least feel like climbing.
Luckily I’m a monkey and pretty good at climbing but if I’ve learnt anything it’s about going slowly, with intention, focus and because I want to – not have to.
First things first – Feel. Let go of being stoic. Open the vault and let it rip. You must feel in order to deal and then heal.
Second – Be nice to myself. Give up being perfect for authentic.
Third – toss my current Impossible To Do List and replace it with this one:
Play with Faeries
Grow Angel Wings
Braid the Hair of a Mermaid
Fly to the Moon
Ride a Unicorn.
Fourth – Hmmm maybe pick up a super cool, easy-to-read book I heard about called “How to Live Like a Chipmunk and Other Tips on Living an Awesome Sauce Life”… apparently it’s chocked full of simple ways to get your moxie back!