I believe in magic. I always have. I’ve hear the whispers in the woods; I’ve see the winks in the waves, the smiles in the sky, and the faeries in the chandelier. Dad always told me to listen closely, be still and everything would reveal itself. As a child it was easy, as a grown up, not always so much. Sometimes the signs are crystal clear, other times muddy; but I always look and trust something is there. Sure I’ve wavered, lost my path, let my senses dullen…but this year beyond any shadow of a doubt I know that magic is real.
I also know that out of pure and un-insatiable desire comes dreams of truth. I have proof.
Last year at this time I was invited to Burning Man – with one week’s notice. Tempting beyond the Gawds of absolute rapture, but the opportunity lacked a critical piece of my perfect puzzle – the bliss of anticipation. I love chips, I love animals and I love to look forward to something special. I turned down the invitation, but sent an intentional note with my friend to leave in the temple letting the Man know I would be there next year. It was at that very second I began stating in absolute confidence I was going to Burning Man in 2017.
I gave time, time, I built a mini Burning Man temple; I placed precious treasures, notes, mantras and nightly prayers into its core. I was blessed with the friendship of Diana and her connection to a beautiful camp at Burning Man, prepared my Oscar worthy interview and was accepted with open arms into the Love Cow Camp. Now all I needed was the ticket – the infamous, illustrious, golden ticket. Wednesday, March 22 at 3 pm, I booked off work for a half hour, poised my fingers to type the 5 digit code into my exclusive vortex of possibilities to wait among thousands of people world-wide to score a ticket. I was sweating, my heart was massively beating, prayers were spewing from my mouth, but I trusted because in my heart of hearts I knew this was my time and I would get a ticket. An electric wave of energy went through me as the bell tolled and the little green man slowly inched his way “in turn” as I waited…and waited and waited until to my horror the two worst words appeared – SOLD OUT. I was stunned, speechless and motionless. This was impossible. This was my time, my turn. I was paralyzed in utter disbelief. I ran to the washroom and cried like I’d just lost my world. My chance. My dream. I know it sounds dramatic – but I’ve been dreaming of going to Burning Man since I was 20 years old. I’ve been dreaming of experiencing a space and time where judgement doesn’t exist and love is fluid and free; a place where we can be who we are for real, without hesitation, without criticism, rolling eyes, doubt, discrimination and meanness. An ideal embodiment of pure self-expression and freedom so rare and so precious.
I’m a tough cookie. I take care of myself. But that night I crashed and ran to Diana out of sheer dispair. With open arms she simply said “sweetie, you’re going, just believe it, a ticket will come.” Faith. Trust. Belief. Tough to grasp but I knew I had choice… to wallow in doubt or to believe. Always choose believe. I went home, I connected to the camp site, to all the Burning Man sites, portals where Burners sold their tickets and I wrote an email to the leader of the Love Cow camp expressing what it would mean to me to go and although I was sure I was 100th on his list of wannabees, if a ticket came his way I would be ever grateful. Two days later, Sunday night, 8:10pm, I got an email from the Camp simply saying “good news Patty – we have a ticket for you”. And in a breath followed by a river of elated tears I was going to Burning Man.
Fast forward 5 months of envisioning, manifesting, designing, and creating all my childhood costume fantasies. Daily thanks of massive gratitude, day dreaming, shopping and finding purpose in dozens of saved treasured pieces of memories I’ve held onto for some day when they would come in handy. And far beyond the superficial indulgent bliss of fanciful self- expression, adornment, personas, jewels and rainbow infused spirit, this journey leading up to Burning Man opened a gateway to process and clear spiritual space for happiness, to purge emotional baggage, and physical and emotional weight so that I would be free to be ready and open to accept and experience all that would be presented to me.
I feel so incredibly fortunate. I’ve done incredibly hard work and I have thrived on over 6 months of daily creativity that has given me wings and the faith to trust and accept who I am, who I must be, without apology, without fear, and without hesitation because I feel alive, I feel authentic, I feel real and it feels effortlessly bliss full – which btw… is an incredible way to be.
And now it is time to go, to live this dream, this gift. A once in a life time opportunity, a mystery and an adventure beyond anything I have ever experienced or imagined. The Burners say it is about coming Home. I really want to go Home. Home to a place where we are one, loved for who we are without boundaries and I can’t wait to feel that love.