Spring has sprung, buds are busting out, wee weeds are peeping their sunny little dandy lion faces out from the cracks of the sidewalk, the sun is radiating its omnipresent glow, flip flops are flopping, ice cream is screaming and oh it’s bikini season in about a month. DA DA DA DUM!!!!! Did someone say where’s my moo-moo?

Yes winter’s hibernation, comfort food marathon and general overall state of sloth have helped to add a few extra layers of warmth to my anatomy of being. Who said potato chips aren’t a vegetable? So what there’s just a little bit more of me to love!   And like I always say…one size – one love!

However, as much I adore my jiggly bits, I am inspired to fitten up my bodacious bod in preparation for doing mega cartwheels on the playa for Burning Man.  Yay me!!! Just one little issue – I HATE EXERCISING. Like an allergic, loathing, aversion to the whole concept of sweating, bending and stretching – are we done yet?   GRUNT.  I’ve tried joining a gym – I never went. I did hot yoga for a year, but after that terrifying toad attack last summer where I impaled myself on a tree branch and had a piece of lumber stuck in my shin …I haven’t been able to bend and sweat in that bacteria bowl of Zen. I even once hired a trainer…actually pay someone to yell at me…let’s just say I yelled back – “I QUIT”.

So I’ve had to get creative and come up with easy, enjoyable and doable ways to wiggle my jiggle and muscle up my mojo!  A means to create momentum, motivation and move my lazy ass moxie butt.  So I’ve declaring May MOVE YOUR LAZY ASS MOXIE BUTT MONTH.  My Dad always use to say “Patrick…you’ve got moxie girl…so move it”! By definition moxie is your force of character, determination or nerve…and I’m about to shake things up!

First and foremost I won’t call it “exercise” – cause it’s kinda too close to EXORCISE if you ask me and that’s just scary. Same with “working out”…who wants to WORK, I ALREADY WORK ALL DAY…how about we call it “make room for chips”!  I’ve also printed out a calendar on pink paper for May and purchased gold sparkly star stickers for every day that I accomplishment my goal of creating movement for 1 hour a day!

Here are a few other inspirations on busting my move!

1. Every morning just before I head out I stomp my feet in defiance, wave my arms in subordination, roll my eyes in revolt and then bend down to tie my sneakers. It all burns calories.
2. Baby steps. Like walking from my house to the subway (20 mins) of daydreaming, humming, people and animal watching, getting fresh air…instead of taking the TTC (which usually destroys my mood the moment I get on and have to scream at everyone to PLEASE MOVE BACK.)
3. Enlist a Bust a Move partner in crime and walk the hood at lunch.
4. SHOES MATTER! Bugs Bunny sneakers.
5. Buy the fuchsia and white polka dot bikini with the ruffles, hang it on the fridge door.
6. Some visualize the finish line…I imagine I am prepping for a date with Robert Downey Jr.