I’m the biggest believer I know. A princess of positivity. A magic moxie maker of magnanimous proportions.  The gatekeeper of mystical portals, chief pilot of the faerie brigade, commander of imagination station, supreme inspirer of the kooks and lovables, not to mention Great Goddess of the toad whispers. I don’t just set my mind to something I embody it with rainbow sparkly infused intention from head to toe.  And don’t you dare tell me no because I will stand on the tallest chair, on my tippy toes and yell hell or high water I WILL make it happen. You don’t earn Brownie of the Year 1969 for nothing.

So when it came to getting my Burning Man ticket I naturally assumed it would be a snap and simply land in my hot little hand. I built the temple, I meditated on the Man, I visualized wiggling my toes in the sandy playa in my leopard fun-fur shorts and rainbow tube top. I started to make gifts, outfits and art. I even was invited to become a part of a long lost family of LoveCows …a ticket – a shoe in right?

It was all going down on Wednesday at 3pm. I booked off a half hour at work – pretending to be in a meeting. I lined up my link, waited with dewy palms and heart murmurs in the Burning waiting room and at the strike of 3 got in the cue. I was over the moon excited, my dream was just seconds away.  Well it was actually 23 minutes watching some little green person meander painfully across a straight line till the horrors of all horrorablosity messages came up that the tickets were all carted.  WTF is carted – geez louise say they are in the CART!  Fear not I’m told as people won’t pay and be patient because there’s still a chance.  The veil was lifted twice without luck and I was shut out, shut down, and told no more tickets.

What happened next wasn’t pretty.  I’ve endured plenty of loss in my life but this hit me like a tsunami of whales rolling over on my heart. The tears welled up and soaked my t-shirt. Gutted, crushed and in disbelief. I KNOW – very dramatic right!

The cool thing is…once I settled my little emotional breakdown down with the help of a great big squishy hug and wise words of my beautiful Burner friend Diana (whom I AM going to Burning Man with) I realized something really important about myself and the B. Man was already showing me a lesson before I even get to play with him on the playa!  Trust little faerie, trust.  Sometimes you hold on to the expectation of something so hard it hurts and there’s a truth and freedom in letting go and letting the process happen as it should and as it will.   My friend advised me to “put it in a box and trust”…so of course I did exactly that (and made it pretty).  Here’s trusting I’ll see you soon my Burning Man.

Oh and btw…just three days after writing this, I got an out of the blue email from a member of the LoveCow Camp saying “Good news Patty, we have a ticket for you”. Cue hysterical elated jumping up and down, doing back flips in my fun fur onesie with tears streaming down my face and a smile that goes from ear to ear and my heart is busting out of my wee chest…my kittens are looking at me like I’d lost my mind but in fact my brain was actually infused with effervescent beams of love….yea just a bit happy and over the moon, past the stars to Jupiter and beyond grateful. And just like that I AM GOING TO BURNING MAN.