I learned a good lesson today. An uncomfortable lesson and one that will probably take a while to sink in and take effect. This is a new lesson for me, and as always I don’t pretend to be any sort of guru or know-it-all, so take it with a grain of salt and do as thou whilst shall be the whole of the law…I’m just blabbing.
I have decided to not “fake it till I make it” any longer. It has served its purpose. I have decided to dissolve the façade of “acting as if” everything is perfectly hunky dory. Well of course it isn’t and honestly I’m pretty real. I always advocate “you have feel, in order to deal, in order to heal.” I support the whole flag waving, parade marching aspiration of choosing positivity…heck I organized the parade! It’s my rally cry, my go to, my way of being in the world. It’s my choice and will continue to be, because it works. It really works and I believe in it whole heartedly because it has pulled me out of deep holes and helped me focus on the prize, to see and choose the light, over darkness. Its set a strong intention, a mind shift to practicing reaching the finish line, an assumption of first place, achieving the trophy…and hearing the crowd go wild. In fact it works so well and I’ve mastered it so profoundly that I may have overlooked feeling something that needs to be felt. “Oh that little boo-boo”…hmm. And because I am an explorer of truth and discoverer of answers – I’m gonna stumble down a dusty path and kick up some dirt! My problem isn’t with choosing positivity or believing in my ultimate potential, my problem is with the word “fake”…it just doesn’t jive with my commitment to authenticity and being really real.
So I’m going to take my own advice and crack open the vault and reach down into the subterranean caverns of my soul to pull out some bare naked self. I’m gonna relinquish being Super Woman, Helen Keller, Joan of Arc and Maria from the Sound of Music and just be. I mean…this isn’t anything brand new, I like to dig deep and I have in the past, but not completely; and I can tell because there’s this little nugget of wisdom that really wants to be felt and it’s poking me and begging me to let it be recognized, acknowledged and respected. Crazy because that’s the very three things I want for myself. So be it. I will unchain the dungeon, lower the drawbridge, and let the dragons out to play. I will put down my sword and shield, take off the armor and face it and feel it – unguarded, unprotected and real – so I can release it and really be free. And I thought being a Warrior Princess was about being super strong and resilient, now I think I have a better sense of what real bravery feels like.