Tomorrow is my birthday. Second to Halloween, it’s my favourite holiday, in fact so much so, I branded it an official month-long celebration called Patty Fest – running June 1st until the 30th. It begins with a countdown several weeks in advance, along with an invitation to my annual Birthday Bashulation where I surround myself with my fave peeps, drink a lot of wine, munch on bowls of chips, crank the 80’s tunes and soak up the love!
Funnily, this year I wasn’t feeling it. My usual WGAF* (who gives a fuck) about getting older cause I’m too sexy, sassy and silly to even contemplate old, let alone start acting my age… wasn’t resonating with me and my molecules. I wasn’t feeling like celebrating, donning my pink tutu, tiara or cutting any cake. I had landed myself in a full on anti-festive funk. 911 pull the pompoms! Clearly I needed a COME TO GEEZUS, kick in the butt and talk’in to, so I could shake this party pooper petulance off.
First of all why? Why Miss Lowry? Why? (Yes I talk to myself and quite often out loud). It didn’t take long to bubble to the surface…deep breath…I’m not where I want or expected to be at 55. Gulp. OMG I KNOW I have an awesome life, filled with abundance, freedom, amazing friends, love, health, a wicked imagination, kittens, chips, wine; I know I’m luckier than most and I am grateful for my life; but this little energizer bunny wants more. More mustard on my hotdog, more muscles, marshmallows and much more meaning. And while I’m at it…I’ll have more money too, only to allow me more freedom to experience more life. I want more adventures of getting lost and found, more opportunities to be creative, more meetings of the minds, more encores, more spice, and a lot more love. And not to be greedy, but I’d also like more patience, more tolerance, more faith in the unknown and more insight into what’s behind door # 3. Yes I want more. I always have. It’s what propels me forward, what motivates me to never give up, to keep dreaming and working and believing everything will find its place in my life. It’s a lot and sometimes it’s exhausting being me. I’m always thinking, feeling, figuring, planning, dreaming, running, fixing, caring, doing cartwheels and so on and so on, and so much so that this bunny is pooped da party out. I’ve been so busy doing I’ve lost track of feeling the moment and realizing how fricking awesome sauce it is.
So then I asked myself (out loud) – What did I expected at 55? And I thought long and hard and was happily surprised that other than a little less love handles and speeding up my “in between boyfriend phase”, life is pretty damn good. Really damn good in fact. I am healthy, I’m smart, I’m resourceful and I have great hair. I also think I can address my wants and make them happen, all in good time. It’s funny how sometimes a little dunk in a funk is exactly what you need to set things right. Living life real, vulnerably and not always being “perfect patty” (said with insightful relinquishing) just means I’m learning, feeling and growing – which is all part of wanting more.
So fuck it! I’m not old, I’m 5 and I’m going to throw myself a badass birthday party and celebrate this milestone with friends and a few gifts of newfound wisdom including self compassion and patience; permission to turn the Patty dial down just a notch and sit a while, smell the roses and trust 55 is awesomely saucy!
Happy today, tomorrow and the next day to ME!!!!