So last week I was happy (and I still am this week) but man oh man do I every feel like I need a good rant…you know just let go of a few mumbling, festering, pestering, itching, scratching, bubbling on the tip of my tongue gotta be said for the love of GAWD so I can be free again and continue to skip in my happy place….prepare for lift off!
Please move to the back of the bus. There is no reason to conglomerate in a sweaty tight mass of baby carriages, back packs, and shopping carts within the first 2 feet of the bus ESPECIALLY when there are 30 feet of free space just a few steps ahead of you. And when I ask ever so nicely “hey friends, can you please take a few steps back” and you ignore me, so then I have to get my Monster Voice on and growl at you like a herd of deaf water buffalos – to please move your butts or else I will have to push through you all, and lead by example. Thank you TTC…you are now free to go on your merry better way.
Hello over-flowing toilet at 3am in the morning…while I am still in a zombie –like state of dopiness. Why after over 5 years of living with you did you all of a sudden decide now would be a good time to flush me up with a rebellious tsunami of disgusting water rising at the speed of a flash flood? What am I supposed to do first? Save my fur children from impending drowning? Put my clothes in case I slip, fall and bash my head and have to be found naked? Shall I run downstairs and tear apart the cardboard barrier to the basement (aka kitten death chamber) in search of a plunger and bucket while your waves overflow onto my floor? Or maybe I’ll just wiggle that thingy in your tank and pray to the toilet GAWD for a miracle. Oh blessed thingy be. Thanks to my co-worker the next morning for the 101 on over flowing toilets and bringing my attention to the turn off valve.
Excuse me please but I would like to share a lesson in etiquette with those people who have not have the good fortune to be schooled in the manners of class, courtesy and civil breeding. When asking someone to extend the consideration of a favour – especially one of due absurdity…it is wise to preface your proposal with “please”….otherwise there is a gosh darn good chance of some not so polite repartee coming your way. Bless you.
And finally…gentlemen of the online dating forum….when writing your profiles of grandeur (and delusion), it may be wise to consider your truth. Even though you are dashingly handsome, can write like Cyrano de Bergerac, have every single considerable thing in common with my wish list…the fact that you live in the woods as a squatter in Toronto might be something you want to share upfront before I fall madly in love with you. WTF…you live in a tent?
Ahhh that feels so much better! World…carry on!